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Such a Headache I Got From this Movie! - Yasha Banana -
Vat's with this facockta movie already? Now he's over here, now he's over there. Please, another headache I don't need.
This one in the movie has a twin brother. And they're both in business together. ... Big mistake. ... I went into business with my brother-in-law. We opened up a kosher delicatessan in Scrotumville, South Dakota. Goyim for as far as the eye could see. But, what the hell, we took a chance.
One day -- talk about your "Transporter Man" -- my brother-in-law absconded with all the funds, *and* the aitress and transporter himself, *and* the money, to Prickly Heat, Ecuador. This was some feency-schmeency transporter, I wanna tell ya.
So anyway, what do you care about my problems. About me, Yasha J. Banana, the oldest living Amazon reviewer (if you call this living), you could care less. Am I right? Have I struck the nail on the head?
I must say that although I didn't care for this flicker, I was intrigued by the fact that twin brothers were romancing two beautiful women at the dame time, and both gals thought it was the same guy.
Or was it one guy romancing two women? Or were the two women schtupping each other on the side?
Who knows with this cockamammie movie! What do I care about magic tricks? They couldn't have let us at least *once* have a good look at Scarlett Johannsen's tukas? Put a G-strong on that shiksa, brother, and I'm a happy nonogenarian!
Personally, when it comes to schtupping though I, Yasha J. Banana -- flute-tuner, hat blocker and one-time towel boy at Plato's Retreat -- I recommend full disclosure. You have a twin brother, you make sure your girlfriend knows who's who. Either that or establish an odd day/even day arrangement. Or you both eat onions.
Now on with my review ...
See, this one magician gets a machine that he uses to clone himself. Once this happens, *everybody* in the film gets so excited! The director can't believe it -- a machine that can close one of my actors. He goes nuts. Rather than tell the audience in clear, simple language: "This guy has a machine that clones himself" --no, this mensch of a director keeps us guessing for the entire movie.
If I could I would have given him such a kick.
Can you imagine if I had such a machine -- a machine that could clone 97-year-old Jews. Yasha J. Bananas all over the place! Ho boy!
What a comeback the Catskills would make.
Depends' stock would go through the roof.
On every street corner you'd hear people say: "Yasha, boychick, so nice to see you. ... Again."
I'd clone myself night and day and day and night. And have each of my clones do the same thing.
Pretty soon there'd be a Yashaville. Then a Yasha County. Then they'd have to recognize me, Yasha J. Banana, as a sovereign nation. ... Yasha Congo. (On account of I once danced with Sophie Tucker in the Congo Room back in '36.)
Then there'd be spinoff nations -- Inner Yasha Congo, Outer Yasha Congo, Upper Yasha Congo.
Pretty soon I, Yasha J. Banana, would go global. I'd start moving into your neighborhood, knocking on your door asking if you want to give to the U.J.A.. And if you refused, I'd be back, and back, and back.
There'd be so many of me, I'd be able to elect politicians, fill stadiums, surround the Rockettes.
I, Yasha J. Banana, would be everywhere. Eventually I'd go into business and make a fortune selling myself whatever crap I wanted to sell myself. All sales final.
I'd start a religion. The entire congregation would be me, Yasha J. Banana. We'd all walk to services on Saturday singing, "We Are The Jews! We are the world!"
I'd have a fund-raising drive. Another fortune! I'd make those ganefs at the 700 Club look like pikers.
Of course, naturally, at 97-years-old, all us Yasha J. Bananas would, alas, be dying off. But think of it, the morticians would be in heaven! Little kids would beg their parents to send them to morticians school. "Eulogies 101" would become a require course in all colleges and universities. Goddamnit, we'd be dying like flies!
(As I said to Sophie Tucker when I asked her to stand on a mirror back in 1937), I can see it all now -- traffic jams filled with hearses and grieving widows. All over the world, hundreds of thousands 97-year-old Yasha J. Bananas clutching their hearts, rolling their eyes to the heavens -- "This is the Big One, Elizabeth!") The smell of Ben-Gay mingling with rotting flesh. Shuffleboard courts littered with 97-year-old carcasses. Social Security belly up.
Of course naturally you might say, "But Yash, bubi, wouldn't you want to use your ability to clone yourself for the good of others? What about the brotherhood of man? What about uplifting the human condition? What about everyone, not just Yasha J. Banana clones, but *everyone* holding hands and singing Cumbaya. Yash, come on now, what about justice, what about ... the people?"
And do you know what I say to that -- FARK THE PEOPLE! Where were the people, where were the customers when I opened up my kosher delicatessan in Scrotumville, South Dakota and nobody went for my "Sheep Dip Surprise"? Or my "Gourmet Goyim Gefilte Fish." Fark the people. And the cavalry they rode in on. Let 'em get their own cloning machine.
Before long Yasha J. Bananas will be ruling the world! Uber Yasha! Viva La Revolution! Pastrami on rye for all you Bananas!
Dark Magic That is Hard to Understand - - Loyd E. Eskildson - Phoenix, AZ.
"The Prestige" was made in 2006 and the time the action starts is the dawn of the 20th Century. The story is about the obsession between rival magicians Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman) and Alfred Borden (Christian Bale) who endeavor to reveal each other's secrets. The competition escalates and the two illusionists start performing riskier tricks that turn deadly.
The ending is just not expected or satisfying. The complexity of the movie requires the audience to hang on every word and scene. Overall the movie is interesting, sometimes thrilling and exciting, and worth the watch. Scarlett Johansson, Michael Caine and David Bowie also star in this movie about the dark-side of magic
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